Maulian Bryant’s Reflections on Breastfeeding
In celebration of Indigenous Milk Medicine Week, the Maine State Breastfeeding Coalition would like to introduce Maulian Bryant, the Tribal Ambassador to the Penobscot Nation.
Maulian Bryant represents the Penobscot Tribe in local, state, and federal government, and advocates for policy on tribal sovereignty and other issues facing the Wabanaki. She has a background in activism, teaching, and cultural preservation and is the mother of three daughters, Carmella (16), Layla (14), and Iris (1 year).
Here Maulian shares her experience breastfeeding:
“I had my first daughter at age 22 and I knew I wanted to breastfeed her. My mother had four children and breastfed all of us and was supportive but also made it seem like it would be easy and natural. My daughter was born after a long and painful labor and delivery and I began nursing her. She seemed to have a good latch and a few days later my milk came in. I was shocked by how painful it was. Each time she latched on I would tear up and have to do a few deep breaths to get through it. My skin was bleeding and cracked and I used different balms and shields to try to help heal. I think my mother was surprised too that I was having such a hard time and she seemed to feel really bad for me and tried to help as much as she could. Thankfully after about two weeks of sticking to it and staying exclusively breastfeeding it got much easier and less painful. I was able to bring my baby to work with me and be home with her a lot and I breastfed her for a whole year with no bottles or formula. I weaned her slowly and the night before her first birthday was our last day nursing. I felt so proud that as a young mother with limited means and resources I was able to provide for her in this way and give her such a good start. I had my second daughter two years later and felt like a pro by then. I had very little trouble getting started again and also nursed her for a year. She bit me a lot more than my first daughter once she got teeth and I will be very honest and say I was ready to stop nursing her and didn't feel the least bit sad about stopping. I thought at that time I was done having children and felt at peace with my breastfeeding journey for my life being over.
I started a relationship when I was in my 30s and he did not have any children. We decided to try to have one together. Due to undiagnosed endometriosis I had a very hard time conceiving and after a long and emotional struggle we found out in the fall of 2021 that I was pregnant. Being pregnant and giving birth at age 38 was wildly different than in my early 20s but in many ways I felt better and had more energy and knowledge. Her birth was easier than my first two and we fell into a natural flow with breastfeeding right away. This time I noticed how long it really takes for milk to come in and how much you are feeding them the colostrum. We were concerned about her losing too much weight so I was very nervous about the milk not coming in for a couple days. I was so relieved when it did and she seemed very happy too. She barely ever spit up and nursed quite a bit. I was able to take parental leave for the first time and didn't have to worry about getting right back to work or bringing her with me or finding child care that would support my nursing. I spent most of the first few months sitting down or laying down breastfeeding her. I didn't worry at all about how often she ate or kept track of how much and when she nursed. It was just on demand and we were both happy with it. One thing I noticed this time around was how hungry and thirsty I was all the time. I don't know if I didn't remember it from my first two babies or if it really was more intense this time but it was pretty consuming those first months.
We introduced solids around 6 months and started to nurse a little bit less. On her birthday I knew she wasn't ready to stop but I also knew she was mostly nursing for comfort and she was getting lots of nutrients from foods. We went another month or so and then stopped. It was extremely emotional this time and I had a hard time. She would fuss a lot at bed time and I felt immense guilt about not nursing her to sleep. My breasts also got engorged to the point where I was starting to develop mastitis and had to prevent infection. The physical discomfort and emotions made for a challenging week or so. However, she didn't seem to miss nursing at all and she started to sleep through the night for the first time ever. The increased sleep and milk drying up made me happier and I felt like we made the right choice. She is now 14 months old and thriving and I once again feel lucky to have been able to give her so much for her first year.
My reflections on breastfeeding for about 3 years of my life are that it really does help bond you to your baby. My "babies" that are teenagers now still look to me for comfort and reassurance even when they are faced with the hormones and struggles of growing and changing so quickly. It brings me back to those days of pulling over to nurse them in a parking lot or messing with nursing shirts at restaurants or just having a quiet moment in a back bedroom at a family gathering. It was a special time every time even when it felt stressful or they were screaming or I had a million things I felt like I should be doing instead but I had to sit and nurse. I was not one of the lucky women that lost a lot of baby weight breastfeeding, in fact I think I stored extra weight until I stopped. It taught me to let go of a lot of my vanity and not compare myself to other people who seemed to have the weight melt off. As someone who had an eating disorder earlier in life pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum are triggering times even though they are beautiful and sacred times. Seeing the miracles my body produced and then being able to nourish and help them grow made me appreciate my body even if I couldn't love it.
As an Indigenous woman I was so thankful that I had the autonomy and felt empowered to make decisions about my reproductive health care and the well being of my babies because I come from a demographic that has been historically disempowered, abused, silenced, and targeted. My girls are thriving and I feel like we can break cycles when we raise our children in a healed way. When I had infertility I became an advocate for myself and searched hard for answers about my pain, heavy bleeding, and inability to conceive. Being pregnant after age 35 was also interesting as so many people will try to make you feel old and out of place or that you should live in fear of your aged body and fading usefulness. For me I felt more alive and youthful while pregnant with Iris than I had in a long time. It all became so relative and being 38 felt just as vibrant and good as 28. Probably better.”
Thank you, Maulian, for taking the time to share your experience!
